McSweeney's
- Rules For Our Cranberry Bog
- Rape Allegations Really Do Ruin Mens Lives Because Now A Rapist Is Stuck Running This Country
- If My Mom Wrote The Ads For Her Local Npr Station
- Character In A Dystopian Ya Novel Or Homeopathic Remedy My Mom Gave Me That Didnt Fucking Work
- Hall Oates Songs Rewritten For Being A Woman In New York City In Your Twenties
- Alternatives To Girl Math
- Our RV Has a Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom, and Plenty of Space for Our Seven Children
- Reasons Your Dog Is a Better Health Care Provider Than Your Doctor
- Famous Male Rock Bands' and Artists' Names If They Went to Therapy
- I'm Not Like Other Fascists
- Welcome To Our Cul De Sac
- Babies Need To Pull Themselves Up By Their Tiny Bootstraps
- Apply For This Apartment In Thirty one Easy Steps
- We're Protecting Children By Criminalizing Parents Who Try To Keep Them Happy And Healthy
- Odyssey Cruise Lines Now Offering Competitive Rate Of $21 An Hour For A Ten year Adventure
- Other Quotes Gop Congressmen Wrongly Attributed To Philosophers
- You Can't Accuse Us of Restricting the Voting Rights of Black Americans If We Aren't Counting Then as Americans
- Low Skilled, Easily Replaceable Employees Must Return to Work Immediately, Otherwise Our Society Will Collapse
- Advertising Clients: What They Say vs. What They Mean
- We Cannot Refer to These Victims of Murder as Victims of Their Own Murder
- It Would Be Un American To Support Legislation That Doesn't Directly Benefit Me
- As Republicans, We Believe The Right To Life Extends From Conception Until Birth
- The Geometric Hall Of Shame
- Summer In New York In An Increasingly Hot Climate Is Not A Good Enough Reason To Bare Your Shoulders In Public
- Our System Here At The Ministry Of Magic Is Alive And Well
- I Did Nothing But Smoke Weed for Six Months, and Now I'm an Olympic Athlete
- Getting Rid Of The Filibuster Will Put The Senate In The Terrible Position Of Having To Pass Legislation
- Just Because I'm A Democrat Doesn't Mean I Believe In Something Crazy Like Guaranteeing Everyone The Right To Vote
- Firing Me For Calling The Police On A Black Man Minding His Business Is Racial Discrimination
- Baba Yaga Announces That She Is Distancing Herself From Tucker Carlson
- Lil Nas X's Music Video “Montero” Offended Me So Deeply I've Spent The Last Three Days Watching It Over And Over Again
- How To Succeed At Apologizing For Sexual Harassment Without Really Trying
- As A Staunch Defender Of American Liberty, I Refuse To Let Trans People Infringe On My Rights As A White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman From Georgia
- I Am Dr. Frankenstein, And I Condemn The Actions Of The Monster I Created And Did Nothing To Stop
- Please, Sir, I Want 11,780 More Votes
- You Can't Call Yourself A Woman Until A Man Has Written A Wall Street Journal Op ed On Why You Don't Deserve The Title You've Earned
- Even Though We Have Done Nothing Wrong, I, Vito Corleone, Am Pardoning My Entire Family
- Let Me Teach You How To Teach Other People How To Teach Other People How To Freelance
- 33 Everyday Tasks That Are Easier With A Penis
- A Dead Man In Michigan Voted Four Million Times, And We Will Have Proof Of That Sometime In The Next Few Weeks Or Months Or So
- The Revolution Will Not Be Televised; It Will Be Broken Down Into Ten Minute Increments and Streamed On Quibi
- I Am A Pair Of Eddie Bauer Cargo Shorts, And I Have A Tasteful Number Of Pockets
- I Turned My Passion Into My Dream Job and Now I Sell Small Hats to Iguanas on Instagram
- Sally Sells Seashells by the Seashore Because the Government is Shut Down and She Isn't Getting A Paycheck
